I can’t tell you how much I weigh. I am so completely horrified by the number that I just can’t fess up. Yet.
My friend Erika offered to tell me her weight yesterday in a mark of solidarity. I quickly stopped her. “No, no don’t – because I can’t. I just can’t say mine out loud”. She’s one of my closest friends, and I can’t be honest about my weight with her.
It’s awful to feel that way about yourself, to bury personal information away because it truly embarrasses you. I hate the shame I currently have about my weight. Why does it matter? Why can’t I say it?
I’ve decided that once the first 6 kilos is gone I’ll put it out there. You don’t have to tell me yours. I get it. But I think if I can fess up to mine it may help in the process. And now that I’ve said it I have to do it, right? How long will 6 kilos take? I’m hoping at the most it will be 5 weeks. I’m currently eating enough food for three people and not exercising, so I think the first 6 kilos should move reasonably quickly. Did I just give myself the kiss of death of online weight loss?
Here’s the plan. I need to drink more water. I need to move more. I need to stop eating the sneaky junk I never fess up to. I have a sweet tooth and I love a glass of champagne and something naughty to eat. This will not change. I don’t want it too. But I have to start being honest with myself. Each day I’m going to look for a skinny face moment. A moment where I’ve made a decision to help me get to where I want to be. And each day I want to identify a fat face moment in an endeavor to identify where I’m going wrong. So here’s the log. This is what it’ll look like each day when I check in:
How many steps.
How much water.
Skinny Face moment.
Fat Face moment.
Time spent online.
I’ve added the time online because this is something I really want/need to change. I need to sit at a computer and write, but I have to stop getting sucked into the vortex of the internet.
I don’t want to check my phone when my children are sitting by my side. I want to read more books and essays, and less opinionated rants. I want to feed my soul with words that take me to good places. I want to turn the computer off rather than tuck it away for later.
It’s time to have a little clean up of my life. My body is currently showing signs of neglect. My skin needs more water. My thighs need less fat. My eyes require more vegetables, and my brain needs to de-clutter. There are some things that need to go. I have some ideas on how this is going to happen.
Do you want to join me?