Time to Fess Up

I can’t tell you how much I weigh. I am so completely horrified by the number that I just can’t fess up. Yet.

My friend Erika offered to tell me her weight yesterday in a mark of solidarity. I quickly stopped her. “No, no don’t – because I can’t. I just can’t say mine out loud”. She’s one of my closest friends, and I can’t be honest about my weight with her.

It’s awful to feel that way about yourself, to bury personal information away because it truly embarrasses you. I hate the shame I currently have about my weight.  Why does it matter? Why can’t I say it?

I’ve decided that once the first 6 kilos is gone I’ll put it out there. You don’t have to tell me yours. I get it. But I think if I can fess up to mine it may help in the process. And now that I’ve said it I have to do it, right? How long will 6 kilos take? I’m hoping at the most it will be 5 weeks. I’m currently eating enough food for three people and not exercising, so I think the first 6 kilos should move reasonably quickly. Did I just give myself the kiss of death of online weight loss?

Here’s the plan. I need to drink more water. I need to move more. I need to stop eating the sneaky junk I never fess up to. I have a sweet tooth and I love a glass of champagne and something naughty to eat. This will not change. I don’t want it too. But I have to start being honest with myself. Each day I’m going to look for a skinny face moment. A moment where I’ve made a decision to help me get to where I want to be. And each day I want to identify a fat face moment in an endeavor to identify where I’m going wrong. So here’s the log. This is what it’ll look like each day when I check in:

How many steps.

How much water.

Skinny Face moment.

Fat Face moment.

Time spent online.

I’ve added the time online because this is something I really want/need to change. I need to sit at a computer and write, but I have to stop getting sucked into the vortex of the internet.

I don’t want to check my phone when my children are sitting by my side. I want to read more books and essays, and less opinionated rants. I want to feed my soul with words that take me to good places. I want to turn the computer off rather than tuck it away for later.

It’s time to have a little clean up of my life. My body is currently showing signs of neglect. My skin needs more water. My thighs need less fat. My eyes require more vegetables, and my brain needs to de-clutter. There are some things that need to go. I have some ideas on how this is going to happen.

Do you want to join me?


46 thoughts on “Time to Fess Up

  1. Yep, I’m along for the ride. Have been making progress in this *ahem* department for a while but am in a relapsey type of phase right now. Have started moving more and eating less but I could be a bit more proper about the whole thing. Let’s do this!

  2. Please can I join too…move to Doha beginning of August and will need to wear a swimsuit at some point..currently living in the UK this does not happen often!!! HELP

  3. I’m in. I do not bad on a regular working day, but it all goes out the window when I travel …and I travel 50% of the time.

  4. Been where you are and I reckon I was about the same age as you are now, that was 7 years ago. I dropped from squeezing into a size 16 (UK) to a slim size 12. It was amazing. Buying clothes became a real pleasure. Gradually the kilos have returned and although I am still lighter that I was when i started that wonderful diet, I am now struggling to fit into a size 14 and finding myself in the odd 16. I vowed this would not happen. I have broken that vow. Doha is not to blame. My unstructured life probably is and that is unlikely to change so I have to take charge like you!

  5. sounds great. About 5 weeks ago I had a similar moment, losing weight for summer, for a wedding, for a trip to Bali, all great incentives, weight all going north not south. Between work and kids I wasn’t giving myself any time…..so I joined a local group personal training centre (like a gym but more social) and am LOVING it.

    Yes I have to get up at 5.45, no I’m not getting enough sleep, but it’s a start.

    Chocolate is great but I don’t need an entire block

  6. I’m in!

    I’ve been working on this since late-January and am finally back to what I was when I fell pregnant with my last baby. In a few weeks I’ll be back to what I was after I had her (38 weeks of vomiting earns you a weight loss of 6kgs on younpre-preggo weight). Imwish there was a magic solution, but it really is move more and eat less. I still drink wine and eat treats, I’m justmoe mindful of my eating now.

    Go, Kirsty!

  7. I’ve started…by using FitnessPal to track my intake…and it’s helping…I need the more water, more excersize kick in the pants…

    I’m in.

  8. I’m in.

    My moment came when I saw the following note in my lover’s calendar margin two nights ago: 38 shoe, size __, beautiful!

    While I’m glad he finds me beautiful, my reflex reaction was “I’m not THAT size!” (two full sizes above my normal range).

    Made me take a hard look at myself.

    No more denial. I joined a gym this morning.

  9. Comrade in arms!

    I made a start three months ago and lost a little weight but also lost the motivation and stalled. At least I haven’t put it back on.

    My main goal is more sleep as my dependence on a sugar high or eight is definitely a downfall.

    My second goal is daily exercise first thing in the morning. I am aiming for twenty minutes as anything more means I have to get up too earlier and it won’t happen.

    Third goal is, like you, less Internet time, so I can achieve some of my life aspirations!

    I need to establish healthy habits and then I can build on them!

    Thanks for offering to share your journey and take us along for the ride!

  10. I’m in too! 48, all the things you said in your post plus the travelling husband and menopause….(insert everyone I know saying, “Wow! You started early!”). Not helping my already withering self esteem and loathing of who I have become. For me it’s those stinkin pictures! I see a photo and think, “must have been a bad angle”, “really should lift that iphone up higher when I do selfies like the 18 year olds do”! But now it’s just the facts. I’m slower, not as fit, have more niggles and aches, I’m grumpy. I wear a lot of black legging. I want to wear pants with a button. That would be good! I want to be amazing again. BTW you sealed the deal with the big calf boot comment! 😉

  11. I’m such a joiner – but I really am in. I have started pre-training by adding a Green smoothie to my day – sometimes as a meal, sometimes as an extra – need to leave it as a meal. Running a marathon in 5 months and need to lose a lot more than 6 kilos.

  12. I’m in. I’d like to say I have baby weight to lose but the reality is I lost all that post delivery and have just stacked it on since bubba was born.
    I too need to drink more water and have less meaningless screen time. Thanks for making me more accountable 🙂

  13. I have been on my own “this is enough, no more excuses” journey since Jan. I watched a BBC documentary “Eat, Fast, Live longer” that honestly has changed my life/waistband/confidence. It involves eating 500 calories two days a week and completely normal food the other five. The two days are challenging and there is no place for sneaking an extra snack but the results are phenomenal and the health benefits against cancer/stroke/heart attack and dementia are indisputable. It’s called the “Fast Diet” or the “5:2” diet. I still think I’d love the motivation of like minded mad women like you to keep me on track and I’d love to be a part of encouraging each other and sharing tips and ideas. There are so many apps that allow you to add “buddies” maybe we could agree on one and set up a “Shamozle” group to keep us accountable?! I’m excited about the idea of cheering each other on. Let the change start now…!

  14. I don’t think I’m brave enough. I’ve started the 5:2 diet and that seems to be fitting in to my life ok so far, though I haven’t seen major results just yet. Can I watch from the sidelines for a while as I work up the courage?

  15. Am in … What are you planning to do ?? Have just asked for a juicer for my birthday so am thinking of doing a 5/2 thing with more veg in my life … Juice will hopefully rub off on my,kids who ,i suspect, are getting scurvy due to lack of vitamins in pasta and cheese !!

  16. Im in too. I lost 15 kilos 18 months ago and blinked and every freakin one of them is back on. No more excuses.

  17. I’m five kilos away from weighing what I did when I was pregnant with my last child, six years ago. But it’s not the number so much that distresses me, it’s the whole horrible sluggish feeling I have 90% of the time. To me, that’s an indicator of how unhealthy I am. I need to be moving more, eating better, drinking more water, and spending less time sedentary… Less time online. If all that means I feel healthier and lose some weight in the process, WIN!

  18. Count me in!
    I love the addition on logging online time.
    I think this is a BIG part of my problem! I need to be more present with my children. I need to read actual books again. Maybe even learn to crochet. Or something. 🙂
    Bring it on!

  19. Count me in! I’ve just started a month with a online group (again!!) and I need the group thing to keep me motivated. I dislike my current weight entirely, and without being pregnant or just having given birth I have never been this weight before. Today was a very good day, tomorrow is a 2 day of the 5:2 thing (which I’ve been back on for a few weeks too). Enough, I’m in!

  20. Pingback: Fat Face

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